So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
