I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize