Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
