This is not my ceiling
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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