I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
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he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?