3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.