I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
farters have to be the big spoon...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
