so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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