nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
