i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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