I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
