I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Randomize
