my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
