She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
