Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
