God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
