If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
