Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
