i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
