Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
