all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
