Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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