Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
