my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
