i just wanna soil my oats bro
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
