I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
