so that wasnt chicken after all
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
