So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
