just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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