no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
