id be glad to
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
