you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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