I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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