I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
