You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
