if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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