I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
