i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
