so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
