Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
