I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize