nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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