im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
