I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
