She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
