i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
