the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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