I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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