Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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