You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
