The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
