You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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