Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
