I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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