Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
They took my balls.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
