i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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