Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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