Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
