My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize