five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
