Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
