i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
