I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i believe in u and ur pee
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