Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
