This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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