i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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