I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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