Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
