So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
