She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
