I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
