I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize